Whenever I feel tumultuous, unclear, and have something that I need to figure out in my life- I set up a meeting with me in order to do some super thinking.
I have learned over the years that there is no right answer, there is no one truth.
There is my truth and whatever answer I come to is the right one for me in that moment.
- Truth is a matter of perspective, a moving target, an individual reality.
- Truth is something that our brain believes.
- Truth can change, because our thoughts can change.
The best way for me to live my life is to be super clear on what exactly is my truth.
When I get confused or have a big decision to make then I focus my attention on what is going on inside of me, in order to figure out what my truth is, and even to decide what I want my truth to be.
I save the other person the process by having the process with my Self first.
I remember when I started actively using this approach. I was living in Tel Aviv, Isreal at the time and my partner and I were discussing our future.
I learned that he wanted to have kids but did not want to get married; in fact, he said that he was against marriage.
Over the course of our conversations during this time I decided to take long walks with myself to learn crystal clear exactly where I was at.
I would literally talk and listen to myself on my walks.
These are some of the questions I asked:
- What are you feeling?
- What are you thinking?
- What matters most?
- What will matter most to the future version of me, five years from now?
- What am I willing to sacrifice?
- What am I firm on?
- What might I lose?
- Am I willing to lose that?
- What will I feel?
- Who do I want to become?
- How do I want to show up?
And I would listen to all of it.
- I would give lots of air time to all the drama, all the emotions all the thoughts and stories, all the fears and deep desires.
- I would give space for all the feelings, even shedding some tears.
- I would ask more questions with curiosity and compassion.
- I would process it all and encourage more to come up.
Every walk I took with myself, in this deep state of super thinking, I would come into a much closer connection with my self and my truth.
I would be deciding what my truth is, preparing to share it with my partner from a clean and clear space.
I would enter into our next conversation from a place of deep love for him and an even deeper connection to myself; sharing my truth and desired outcome of marriage without attachment and without expectation.
When I go through this process it allows me to drop all the manipulation and attachment that usually comes with tough conversations.
I knew what I wanted, crystal clear, and I also knew that I would be okay if he ultimately did not want what I wanted.
I had gone to worst-case scenarios and I knew that I could handle the grief.
(The worst that can happen is an emotion. Emotions are physical vibrations. They cannot harm us, they can simply feel terribly uncomfortable.)
When I go to all the tough places and accept all the worst-case scenarios then I can show up in all my truthful vulnerability and authenticity.
I use this super thinking, meeting with myself, to discover and decide on my truth.
My truth is the most powerful and vulnerable place I can come from and share.
To let go of all the manipulations and power plays. To pre-process, to go to all the worst outcomes and know that they are all ok.
I love my super thinking, meetings with me, it is one of my super-hero-tools that I use to guide me through tough moments and how I decide on all of my important decisions.
What does it mean to stand in your truth?
How do you approach tough conversations?
Life Design 101 True Self
ps… when I work with my Food and Mood clients this super-thinking is part of what we do together and a valuable skill that I teach.