Super Thinking, My Meetings with Me
Whenever I feel tumultuous, unclear, and have something that I need to figure out in my life- I set up a meeting with me in order to do some super thinking.
I have learned over the years that there is no right answer, there is no one truth.
There is my truth and whatever answer I come to is the right one for me in that moment.
Truth is a matter of perspective, a moving target, an individual reality.
Truth is something that our brain believes.
Truth can change, because our thoughts can change.
The best way for me to live my life is to be super clear on what exactly is my truth.
When I get confused or have a big decision to make then I focus my attention on what is going on inside of me, in order to figure out what my truth is, and even to decide what I want my truth to be.
I save the other person the process by having the process with my Self first.
I remember when I started actively using this approach. I was living in Tel Aviv, Isreal at the time and my partner and I were discussing our future.
I learned that he wanted to have kids but did not want to get married; in fact, he said that he was against marriage.
Over the course of our conversations during this time I decided to take long walks with myself to learn crystal clear exactly where I was at.
I would literally talk and listen to myself on my walks.
These are some of the questions I asked:
What are you feeling?
What are you thinking?
What matters most?
What will matter most to the future version of me, five years from now?
What am I willing to sacrifice?
What am I firm on?
What might I lose?
Am I willing to lose that?
What will I feel?
Who do I want to become?
How do I want to show up?
And I would listen to all of it.
I would give lots of air time to all the drama, all the emotions all the thoughts and stories, all the fears and deep desires.
I would give space for all the feelings, even shedding some tears.
I would ask more questions with curiosity and compassion.
I would process it all and encourage more to come up.
Every walk I took with myself, in this deep state of super thinking, I would come into a much closer connection with my self and my truth.
I would be deciding what my truth is, preparing to share it with my partner from a clean and clear space.
I would enter into our next conversation from a place of deep love for him and an even deeper connection to myself; sharing my truth and desired outcome of marriage without attachment and without expectation.
When I go through this process it allows me to drop all the manipulation and attachment that usually comes with tough conversations.
I knew what I wanted, crystal clear, and I also knew that I would be okay if he ultimately did not want what I wanted.
I had gone to worst-case scenarios and I knew that I could handle the grief.
(The worst that can happen is an emotion. Emotions are physical vibrations. They cannot harm us, they can simply feel terribly uncomfortable.)
When I go to all the tough places and accept all the worst-case scenarios then I can show up in all my truthful vulnerability and authenticity.
I use this super thinking, meeting with myself, to discover and decide on my truth.
My truth is the most powerful and vulnerable place I can come from and share.
To let go of all the manipulations and power plays. To pre-process, to go to all the worst outcomes and know that they are all ok.
I love my super thinking, meetings with me, it is one of my super-hero-tools that I use to guide me through tough moments and how I decide on all of my important decisions.
What does it mean to stand in your truth?
How do you approach tough conversations?
ps… when I work with my food and mood clients this super-thinking is part of what we do together and a valuable skill that I teach.