My Man loves to eat apples. I used to think that the apple stems that he left around made me feel bad. When I learned about the concept that love comes from a thought, it revolutionized my perspective of the apple stems and positively impacted my feelings with my man.
He loves eating apples, lots of them.
I used to have a story about the apple stems that went something like this:
He leaves these apple stems around for me to pick up, he thinks that I am his housewife, and he does not care about me.
When I was going through my coaching program I learned this life-changing tool that my teacher calls the model. I describe it as the human algorithm. Part of learning how the algorithm works meaning understanding that every single emotion comes from a thought in our head.
I was suffering at the time, from what I thought was my man’s action of leaving apple stems around. I decided to try out my teacher’s concept and quickly understood the impact of owning that my bad feelings were in fact not coming from the apple stem but rather from the story in my head.
I played a game.
What if I told a new story about the apple stem and decided to think that every time he left an apple stem it was him saying “I love you”.
The apple stem did not make me feel love, but I did stop feeling an onslaught of negative emotions. Let’s say I felt more neutral.
Love comes from a thought, just like every other emotion.
So many of us try to control external things to help us feel better thinking that if only x happened then I would feel better.
Feeling better, feeling love, is available and sustainable if we understand where all emotions come from.
If you are feeling love then make a note of the thoughts you are thinking, maybe make some notes of them, and save them to deliberately think on a rainy day.
If you are wanting to feel more love, then focus your thoughts to help you generate love.
If you want to feel more love for your partner, then focus your mind on the things that you love about them. Stop letting your brain do its default thing of focusing on the problems.
You have to believe the thought in order for it to generate the feeling.
Someone can say something mean but if you don’t believe it then it won’t hurt.
Someone can also say something loving and if you don’t buy it then you won’t feel it.
Love and Gut Health
When we are feeling love then we are in a state of healing. We are relaxed, cortisol is low, oxytocin is high, and our body is able to heal.
Love is the opposite of stress where our body is tense and inflammation is high.
When we feel love, for ourself or others or in general, then we make healthy choices for ourselves.