Love Is Always An Option
Wrapping up this month on Love, I want to talk about the idea that love is always an option.
I used to have a very dear friend, we were so close and inseparable that people confused us or asked us if we were sisters.
We had a falling out and we have not spoken in seven years.
Yet, every time I thought of her or heard her name, I felt emotional pain inside of me.
About a year ago, I came across a teaching that talked about the importance of doing internal work on relationships, even when we are no longer in contact. This work is centered around the mantra: love is always an option.
The no longer contact could be because of a death or a falling out.
Regardless of the noncontact, we still have the relationship happening inside of ourselves, inside of our brains and thoughts, just like I have had.
The importance of me doing the internal work is for my own sake, for the emotions that I am generating by the way that I think about my old friend.
I got a lot of coaching around our relationship, for my own sake.
The Internal Work- To Get The Place Of Love
Realize Expectations and Let them Go
Learn and Grow
I learned that I had some judgments against her; I thought she was not doing things in her life right… but truly who am I to judge her? The fact is that she is a free human who can and ought to live her life. Judging her only generates negative feelings inside me.
I also learned that I had taken her for granted as a friend. To see this side of me was uncomfortable because I saw my ugliness. I saw how my taking her for granted deteriorated our relationship. I also got a peak into how I have started taking my man for granted; this insight of myself has helped me behave differently with him.
I learned how to look at my expectations of friendships (like not lying) and I had to stop blaming her.
I had to accept her as a 50% great human and 50% imperfect human; just like each of us.
I now, today, feel at peace with our relationship.
Doing this work is not fun or comfortable, but this work is greatly valuable. I learned and I also lightened my emotional load.
Love Is Always An Option
Even when the behaviors and actions of a person are not okay, every person is still lovable and worthy of love.
Understanding this distinction is liberating not only for our relationships but also for our relationships and expectation of ourselves.
We can make a mistake as a friend AND it does not mean that we are a bad friends.
It means we are a friend who made a mistake and is still 100% lovable.