Are You Sabotaging a Relationship Subconsciously?

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When you learn the meta skill of looking at your thoughts then you will know if you are sabotaging a relationship subconsciously.


Our thoughts generate our feelings.

Our feelings drive our actions, like the action of sabotage.

So what you think ultimately determines your actions, and in this case, whether you are sabotaging a relationship subconsciously.

Regardless if we are intentionally thinking thoughts or unconsciously thinking thoughts, our thoughts create everything in our life.

If You think negative thoughts about your relationship, then you will have negative feelings about your relationship which will cause you to act negatively in your relationship which will ultimately result in a negative and sabotaged relationship.

The opposite is true too.

If you intentionally, or unintentionally, focus your mind towards positive thoughts about your relationship then you are far more likely to have a positive relationship.

This is not hippy stuff, it is math.

Our experience of the relationships in our lives happens mostly in our head. Nobody can make us feel anything. Nobody can force us to feel happy or loved. Nobody can make us feel hurt. All of these feelings come from our thoughts.

Sabotaging thoughts:

  • I don’t like the way they do something.

  • They need to change, they could be better.

  • I am not sure if they are the right one.

  • I don’t know if they are good enough for me.

  • I don’t know if I am good enough for them.

  • They don’t love me the way I want to be loved.

  • They don’t meet all of my needs.

  • They need to change in order for me to love them more.

All of these thoughts, which anyone could believe were true, create negative feelings.

If you are thinking thoughts about your relationship that are generating negative emotions then you are on the path to sabotaging a relationship subconsciously.

Our brain is wired to think negative thoughts, find faults and focus on problems. This is actually normal, your brain is doing what it is wired for.

No wonder time has a negative effect on so many relationships.

Given enough time, combined with an un-trained brain, anyone\’s mind can come up with lots of negative thoughts about someone they want to love.


Optional HomeWork : Are You are Sabotaging a Relationship Subconsciously?

If you have a relationship which you are wondering about then I have some homework for you:

  • Write their name on the top of a paper, or an excel sheet.

  • Then free write as many thoughts that you can about that person. (Tip- a thought is simply a sentence in your head which could sound like an opinion or a judgement.)

  • Once you have a nice long list of thoughts about that person, then go thought by thought and repeat the thought in your head and notice what feeling (physical vibration) you notice in your body.

  • Categorize the feeling as positive or negative.

  • After you get all the way through your list and categorize how each thought makes you feel then you will have an idea of what you think (and feel) about your relationship with this person.


You can choose thoughts which create love… or you can let your brain go wild thinking negative thoughts, which will likely result in you sabotaging your relationship subconsciously.

This is called intentional thinking and is a key step in learning how to generate emotions. (And a skill I teach in coaching).

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